And How Do You Intend To Do That?
by Dreamlight Violet
Summary: Kid and Conan discuss Pandora and Hawaii, and Conan reassesses his sanity. Because Kaitou Kid is in no way shape or form cute. Really. Oneshot.


**So. I was attacked by a wild plunnie, and it wouldn't leave me alone 'till I wrote it down.**

 **Warnings - OOCness, maybe a few grammar mistakes because editing kills me inside. Kind of sort of Shounen-ai if you want to look at it that way - Don't ask me, I'm not thinking properly today.**

 **...Anyway, I hope you like it! If you do, dropping a review and/or favourite would be nice, because, like any human being, feeling appreciated gives me the fuzzies.**

 **Oh, right, disclaimer: I don't own DCMK. But, of course, you already knew that.**

 **Right! Enjoy!**

* * *

"So, Kid," Conan said slowly, tossing the gemstone he was holding up into the air and catching it deftly. The moment it left his hand, it flashed with a blinding crimson light that only ceased upon re-entering his grasp. "You mean to say that this 'Pandora'… this is the jewel you've been searching for all this time."

Kid nodded eagerly. "Yep," he confirmed. "Can I have it?"

"Nope."

Kid stared at the smaller boy, his indigo eyes wide with childlike confusion. "But… but why not?"

"You claim this 'Pandora' gem can grant immortality, right?" Conan said. He threw the gemstone back up into the air again, smirking as Kid's expression went from surprised to hopeful to disappointed to annoyed in a matter of seconds. "We can't have it getting into the wrong hands."

"Yes, yes, yes, I know." Kaito waved his hand dismissively. "That's why I need it. I intend to destroy it, see."

"You intend to destroy it?"

"Yes. I just said that, didn't I?"

Conan tilted his head slightly, weighing up his options. He could keep Pandora, and hide it himself, but he wasn't exactly sure where one was supposed to hide a magical gem. He could hand it in to the police, though what they were supposed to do with it, he had no idea. He could, of course, hand it over to Kid, but that would be beyond stupid. Beyond moronic. Beyond imbecilic. That would be the kind of stupid Kid did on a heistly basis.

"Okay," Conan said thoughtfully. "So, hypothetically, let's say I gave you Pandora."

"Does that mean you'll give it to me?" the thief asked hopefully.

"Hell no." The words were out his mouth before his brain could stop them, and Conan immediately felt bad. Kid's expression was so crestfallen, reminiscent of Ayumi's every time he and Haibara went off anywhere alone, or Mitsuhiko's every time Conan proved himself to be infinitely smarter than him, or Genta's when there wasn't enough food for him to have seconds. Basically, Kid looked like a… a sad kid, ironically enough.

"Tantei-kun…" Kid said sadly. "You're so mean, you know that? You have no respect for your elders."

Scrap that; Conan didn't feel bad at all. Kid deserved every bit of disappointment he got, and a soccer ball to the face to boot. Stupid, condescending phantom thief. Who did he think Conan was, a six-year-old?

…Don't answer that.

"Shut up, Kid," Conan snapped. "I said hypothetically, didn't I? Let's try that again, shall we? _Hypothetically,_ you have Pandora. Understand?" Kid nodded. He really did look like an overgrown child.

 _Meanwhile, I'm an undergrown adult,_ Conan thought bitterly. _Oh, the irony._

"Now, as you can see, Pandora is a red diamond," Conan continued.

Obviously Kid knew that. As carefree as Kid acted, Conan was aware that he did an almost scary amount of research before every heist. He almost certainly knew the name, size, owner and country of origin of this jewel, and probably several dozen little facts about its backstory to. Most of those facts would be useless, of course, but you could never be too sure. According to Kid, at least.

Kid rolled his eyes. "Of course I know that. I'm not stupid, Tantei-kun."

"Really?" Conan replied, raising one skeptical eyebrow. "Because, in that suit, you certainly look it."

"You wound me!" Kid clutched at his chest melodramatically, plastering an expression of faux-hurt on his stupid face. "I look amazing in this suit and you know it."

Conan ignored him. "As I was saying, Pandora is a diamond. How do you intend to destroy the hardest natural substance on Earth?"

Kid blinked, his lips curling into a sheepish smile. "I hadn't really thought about it," Kid admitted. "I was planning on going all Lord of the Rings and throwing it into a volcano. Won't that work?"

Conan just stared in disbelief. For a genius, Kid was unbelievably stupid. "New question: where the hell do you plan on finding a volcano?"

"Uh… Hawaii?" Kid tried.

Conan considered Kid's response for a moment. "Fair enough. Ever been there?"

Kid shook his head. "You?"

"Yep," replied Conan. "Believe it or not, I learnt to drive there. In fact, I learnt nearly everything I know there, from my dad. Boating, shooting, helicopter flying – you name it, I learnt it in Hawaii."

"Really?" Kid asked excitedly, eyes shining like stars in his youthful face. "Ne, Tantei-kun, did you learn to play soccer there too? If I went there, could I learn to play soccer? I want to learn to play soccer! Then we could play together, right, right? Speaking of soccer, have you ever gone skydiving? It's fun, isn't it, Tantei-kun? Feels kind of like flying! Ooh, ooh, and Tantei-kun–" Kid was talking so fast by now that his words merged together into one big indecipherable blur. He continued with his enthusiastic chattering, jumping from one topic to another on a whim, never stopping for more than a second to catch his breath.

Huh. So Kid was a motor mouth. Who would have thunk it?

… It was really kind of cute.

Conan did a double take. Kaitou Kid, cute? Those words did not belong together, at all. Mischievous, yes. Intelligent, definitely. But _cute_? No, that couldn't be– shouldn't be used to describe Kid.

But, Conan thought, as Kid chattered on, his eyes glittering happily, his face nearly split in half by an honest-to-god genuine smile, it suited him.

… Conan really needed to speak with Haibara about any never-before-mentioned side effects to the Apoptoxin, because he was beginning to suspect that insanity was one of them.

* * *

 **Omake**

"Ne, Tantei-kun, can we go to Hawaii? Can we, can we?"

"Kid... you do realise there are volcanoes in Japan."

"..."

"I mean... there are a lot- a _lot_ , of volcanoes in Japan. There's no need to go to Hawaii."

"..."

"Kid... are you crying?"

"...No."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Tantei-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go anyway?"

* * *

 **Look, I don't know what happened here any more than you do. Don't judge.**

 **Okay then, bye, I guess. If you could consider leaving a review or favourite, I would be ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. Not really. Everyone knows you can't live forever.**

 **... I just realised the irony of that last sentence. Forget those words ever left my mouth... fingers... ugh.**

 **I'm going to stop here before I screw things up even more. Bye!**


End file.
